Rambled.

When I think about us, I think of the happiest moments: the laughing and the coffee and the kissing. But what I always forget about is the disappointment and anxiety and inadequacy. And that’s what I should remember. I should remember how you made me feel so awful inside – the type of feeling that is brutally and unapologetically corrosive. But for some reason, I always find a reason to think about the laughing and the coffee and the kissing. It’s difficult paradox to understand. I will never understand how someone so awful can also give me the illusion of wholeness and a future. I will also have never understand why I also am hopeful about her and us.